Advice to Myself

For the first time in weeks, I’ve thought about him. Since we broke up, I’ve felt weird and it’s strange. It’s started things off again… But today, I walked home and seriously thought about him for a while. I haven’t been able to truly admit that I miss him until now, but there’s only a certain amount of ‘being strong’ that you can do.

It’s difficult because I thought things were going really well, I genuinely thought we were perfect and then BAM, we’re over. It hardly makes sense but I guess that’s life. My head hurts too much from thinking about the whys or what ifs to be honest. I don’t know what happened but life moves on.

As I came home though, I saw the place where we first met and it felt even stranger. I froze. It was horrible. I wasn’t upset, I was just confused and startled more than anything. He’s coming to see me next weekend to give me my stuff I left with him, so that kind of signifies the end of everything and I guess I’ll never see him again, but again, that’s just life. No amount of crying, or thinking, will change what happened. And life does go on. I have goals to achieve, places to visit, things to do, people to meet; I have a life to live.

I thought I loved him, but now, I really don’t know whether I did or not. I don’t know whether I just wanted to love him but couldn’t… Maybe I’m broken. I had a great time with him though. The best summer ever. I suppose a summer romance, if I may. And I do hope that we stay in touch, because he is a great person. He may have done a very hurtful thing, but he is good, and I do wish him all the best in the world. Now though, I can’t think about him. It just brings me back to the last three months and I’m back there again, wishing he was here. But the truth is that he moved away and we broke up, and now, I’m working my way up.

I’ve decided to be single for a while. For the first time ever, this is my decision to stay single and work on myself for a bit (god knows, I need it). I guess I’ve always been scared to be alone and when I met Adam, I felt complete, but I don’t feel alone now. I feel like this is me and this is where I’m going. Where ever I end up, and with whoever, it will be the right place, at the right time. Things happen at the wrong time, no one can change that, so we just have to move on; adjust to the situation and make the best of it. And things will get better. 🙂

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