Today is a perfect example of how things have changed, dramatically, and how I’m learning to embrace change too.
Everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong today. My 2nd interview has had to be rescheduled with a possibility of it never happening, someone stood on my foot with heels on and now I can’t walk and I’m having the worst hair day ever. However, despite all of these, I’m actually really good. I’m just sat. Sat on a wall in the city I once knew, and grew to love. I can’t help but smile (through the pain of perhaps a broken foot), because those things can’t stop me from having a good day – my smile and personality will shine brighter in my interview, I bought a tiny hair brush to minimise the hair damage and I’ll crawl to this interview if I have to.
It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that I know how to prioritise things now. My happiness, and today, my interview, is more important than anything else. And I know what it feels like to be happy and to want to achieve now, so why would I sacrifice that for a bit of pain or a complex? Some things are more important and I’ve never understood that before. To conflict all the things that have gone wrong today, there’s a million things that have gone right – things we all take for granted.
It’s strange to be back though, back as a different person, back as a woman not a girl. It’s difficult to understand how, in the matter of a few months, I’ve grown up completely. As if the missing part of the puzzle piece has finally been found. I understand what they mean when they say that courage is striving towards your goal despite the fear. There’s never going to be no fear at all. This is life, of course there’ll be fear but that’s good. It pushes you and forces you to make decisions you never thought you had the courage to make. In every situation, there’ll always be doubts but doubts can’t stop us, they just question our justification. There’ll always be bad, but as we all know, bad just makes you stronger and helps you appreciate the good.
So I’ve finally realised that there will always be these things, no matter what, so why settle for less? Why be scared of something we already know? Why not just see what happens? In all seriousness, what do we have to lose?