Sometimes I wonder whether people reading this get really bored with me, but I guess they wouldn’t read it if they didn’t want to. And more importantly, I write for myself; for my own peace of mind. I enjoy the feeling of emptying my mind, letting all the words and feelings pour out over a blank page. And that’s how I feel when I draw too. I don’t really care if anyone else likes what I write or draw because it’s for me, and it’s only now I’ve really managed to put that into perspective. It’s always easy to say something but to understand what you’re actually saying is a lot more difficult. Understanding the implications of your actions and motives can take a while but once you understand why, things seem a hell of a lot easier. I’d always said that writing and drawing was my thing, but I never thought about it. I never thought about how it makes me feel, I never thought about how I don’t really care what anyone else thinks, or just maybe at the time I did care! Not caring about anyone else’s opinion is not selfish. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but whether you really listen to it is up to you. And it’s not just that. It’s not listening that counts, it’s letting it really get to you. Taking it in and damaging your own self-esteem, like a knife to the heart.
Knowing whether to trust your own instincts also helps you drag yourself down. So many times you’ve ‘let yourself down’, when in fact you haven’t. It’s just a fall and you got back up again, so surely that makes you even stronger than before, and than most other people in this world. Everyone makes mistakes, we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. It’s how we learn from these mistakes that really matter. Not letting them get you down, not perceiving them as failures because you never truly fail in life, unless you choose defeat. Overcoming obstacles is a choice and it doesn’t matter how long it takes or how big these obstacles are, you always, always have a choice. And if you make the wrong decision, then don’t do it next time, and if you do it next time, then move on. Trust in yourself that you have the power to succeed, because we all do, I truly believe that. And I know I do now too. So many people put me down, I let their opinions get inside me and grind me down until one day, I was left with nothing, but I built myself back up again and today I can finally say that I am twice as strong, if not more, than I was in the beginning. I’ve learnt that other people have nothing better to do than to hurt others, I’ve learnt that if you’re going to get anywhere, you need a plan, and I’ve learnt that the most important thing of all is belief – believe in yourself, because if you don’t know one else will.
“It used to be ‘I want…’, it then changed to ‘I will…’ but now, it’s ‘I am…’. And even if that’s not true, no one else needs to know that. One day, I will be successful because I am succeeding now, in every possible way.”