Seriously… I don’t even know what I’m doing right now. The plan was all set out for today. Taking it one day at a time. I had a meeting at between 12-1.30pm and was going to go Christmas shopping beforehand and then to the library, and the supermarket afterwards, but I find myself, at 20 to 2 pm, wondering what happened. I spent 2 hours and a half shopping, in my own little world. I got wrapping paper, ribbons and bows, cards, personal cards, mum’s present, my friend’s presents, and the necessities I needed. But I didn’t even think about the time. I was away with the fairies!
Walking down Lincoln high street with the bitter breeze against my cheeks, stung by the occasional drop of tears bashing my face. It felt like Christmas, I was having fun, I literally don’t know what happened. It felt like music was playing. You know when you imagine a song playing to a scenario in your life, well like that. Although the Titanic theme tune doesn’t exactly match how my life is – strange. And I broke down, burst into tears in the middle of the high street, for no apparent reason.
Anyway, Christmas indeed nearly here, and I am so excited. It seems my life consists of major highs and lows at the moment. At least I can make the conscious decision to try to make things better. With the prospect of a Christmas temp job on the cards, I am pretty excited about everything right now. I sat here drawing for the first time in months. I can’t get over how calming it felt. Just creating anything, and being able to say ‘I did that’. Hopefully, this is the start of something new and spectacular. I hope so anyway.