FAR FAR AWAY

I felt normal. For the first time in a very long time, today I actually felt normal. I wasn’t caught up in this whirlwind of problematic thoughts or over-thinking or over-complicating things. I was just getting on with life and it felt good, you know? It felt normal, I guess.

I had down moments of course, they’re always going to happen, especially after you see the man you’re in love with stroll past and coincidentally get his phone out to avoid talking to you. Coincidence? I think not. And then I nearly threw up, it wasn’t pleasant. But I felt something. For the first time in ages, I felt something. This sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach that hit me straight after I saw him. I’d never felt that. I just used to smile and carry on. I guess it just shows that I can pull myself together when I need to though. You will always lose your attitude but you just need to get it back again. One thing I never thought I could do whilst being ill. Perhaps, I am stronger than I realise.

And so I got the job! I actually got the job. I must have done something right in the interview to impress them somehow, but to be honest, it felt good. I felt like I could be me because no one was watching. No one that I knew was there so I could finally be me. I didn’t have to impress anyone or try to be perfect. So things are really turning around it seems. Add to that an amazing time with a relative whom I haven’t seen for years! It was so lovely.

I guess nothing special happened today. Nothing of major significance in anyone else’s life, but it did in mine, because I finally started to let go. I stopped holding myself to ridiculous standards, of which I could never live up to, and I just let myself see what I could do. The sky was the limit and today, I started to fly. And to say that I am proud of myself is the understatement of the century. It was only yesterday, things couldn’t get much worse, and now look at me. I’m finally starting to live.

I have a suspicious feeling that this summer will be the best summer of my life. I’m finding my wings, I really am, and one day, I’ll fly away and never come back. Cheerio!

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