‘The most productive day for months’ is the way I would describe my day so far and it hasn’t even finished yet! I most definitely am getting better. I’ve actually changed the habit of a lifetime! I’ve tidied, cleaned, organised and then made a healthy yet very yummy lunch. It might not sound a lot but it’s definitely progress. I decided to make something of today and I’m actually enjoying it. Who ever thought I’d enjoy cleaning?! Wow. I just have a whole new attitude right now, I wouldn’t say unbreakable as of yet but it’s getting there. All of my childhood phobias have mostly gone away too. Phobias just hold you back and stop you from living the real, exciting parts of life. Getting over them was very difficult I must admit, but it was definitely all worth the pain in the end.
One of the causes of this change is researching and practicing the teachings of Buddhism. Somehow following Dharma has just taught me to appreciate life a hell of a lot more than I ever have before, as well as developing myself in this world and being a better person. Having the same faith as my late uncle has also helped me come to terms with his death and I feel closer to him now too. I have his little Buddha statue on my desk to remind me of him too and sometimes, it seems like it’s smiling at me and I like to think that that’s him. It’s also helped me to develop a belief that when people die, they don’t just disappear. Death happens and it’s just a part of life, no one chose to leave you, and infact, they are always here with you.
I’m not looking for happiness in artificial places anymore. Having the latest smart phone or following the latest fashion trend will not bring you happiness. The same as money can not bring you happiness, and I still stand by that. I’m looking to the experiences I have with my friends and family, the relationships I maintain and the freedom I have. This includes the places I can see, the things I can do, and all whilst just being me. Harbouring a belief that I have to be like everyone else has dented my confidence slightly but I just don’t care anymore. My quirky little ways make me who I am, and frankly I don’t want to be a clone! I want to be different. I want to be the one who goes further than anyone else has ever gone, I want to go beyond extremes and I want to look back when I’m on my deathbed and proudly say, “I gave it my all. I did it my way”. I will not cave into anyone else’s demands, expectations or limitations.
The last few weeks have been my fuel and now I’m ready to fly. I can breathe finally. I can finally live. I’m ready to give everything, I’m ready to feel everything, and I’m ready to be inspired by everything. Life is such an amazing opportunity to be what ever you want to be. Give it absolutely everything, never hold back and never ever apologise for who you are!
No one has seen what I can do yet. Prepare to be astonished.