Waking up in such a bad mood isn’t the best start to a day; it kind of ruins the whole day. I’m supposed to be having my friend round to watch a film and chill etc., but we’ll see if he actually makes it or not. Oh yeah I missed out the fact that he is my ex-boyfriend as well. But we’re cool. I think we are one of the only couples who went out and broke up badly but can still get on, apart from when I get mad at him and totally flip. But overall, I should be in a good mood. I handed in three essays in yesterday! And only have 4 more to do before Christmas… which I only realised yesterday is 6 weeks away and I haven’t even started Christmas shopping!
So after handing those in, a normal, sensible person would have gone home and flopped on their bed and chilled, but oh no, not me! I decided to clean and tidy my room. To be honest, it was a state and hadn’t been tidied for months. Pretty disgusting at the best! So now it’s all tidy and kind of clean. Well, it’ll do. This isn’t my home so I don’t actually care that much. Obviously it has to be nice, but compared to my actual home… well it doesn’t compare. I still see this as my temporary home/hotel room. I’m still asking those questions to myself every day. What am I actually doing here? And I think I know the answer now. This is a means to an end. I’m not making a life for myself here because as soon as my degree is over, I’m off and away. Not that I don’t love the city, but too many things have happened here. And I’ve seen it all really. There’s always so much you can see and then that’s it. Once you’ve seen it, you have to move on. No? Oh well, I do. I think you would describe me as geographically claustrophobic, in the wider sense. I feel like I’m trapped in this city and can’t escape and escaping is my virtue. Maybe it shouldn’t be and perhaps I should face up to things without running away but that’s just me.
I really love my course though. And being at university is teaching me to live for myself. It’s not that I’m home sick because I don’t want to go home. I want to go other places with other people and meet new people too. I’m a great believer in exploring. Some people say, “Well I don’t want to travel because it doesn’t interest me”. And I think to myself, how can it not interest you?! It’s only a couple of hundred miles away, on the same planet as you and you don’t care one single bit? To me, that’s crazy and very ignorant. I want to see how people live in India, and visit war torn countries to see what the fear of terrorism is actually like. It’s all fine and well hearing about it in the comfort of your own home, but being there would be a whole new kettle of fish! How can you sit there and not care about these people who fear for their lives every day?! I want to go help them. Have some compassion! I know this is very morbid but it’s a true fact that everyone will die someday, and I’d hate to die without visiting or seeing some of the sights this world has to offer; to meet an African tribe, and a WW2 veteran. To hear their stories because compared to our lives, it’s got to be a lot more interesting and will enhance our lives too. And now I sound like I don’t appreciate my life… hmm… well of course I do! But meeting these people would be the highlight of my life to be honest. They can tell you things no one else could ever tell you and that information is priceless. Perhaps that’s just my instinctive journalistic eye, but either way I don’t think you can push all that to one side and not care.